情绪低落

缺乏精神

想要安慰的时候

真的很想要一个归宿

稍微让自己靠一靠

抱一抱

充一充电

刚才第一个想到的人

是她

我不懂得如何享受人生
不懂得如何在人群中找到快乐
不懂得如何跟别人分享喜悦
也不懂得如何让别人开心
总之，我是个沉闷的人

useless

again i felt that i am useless
why?
i couldn't even help my mum to read her letter and explain to her what does the letter says
i tot that i was good
yet,
i am just good in certain area
i need to concur all the area
i need all the knowledge
i feel embarrass
i was proud with everything i have got and i have been showing off to others
and i get all the pride i should have
now, i feel that whatever i have got is just the tiny piece
i still know ntg abt reality
i think that i am good in study and memorising
but i am nothing at applying these knowledge
or should i blame that the knowledge that i learn is all for exam but not applicable in live ?
NO!
who shall i blame ?
myself
for being unproductive and lazy
i have been focusing on the knowledge that is needed for exam
but now , finally i know
that
i have wasted the years where i should have been preparing for my life in the future
now
i would like to force myself , giving myself some pressure
work hard to learn
learn to apply

再次把注意力从感情世界转回来现实世界
发现自己想要做的事还有太多
我觉得自己最希望的是
没有什么空闲时间
充实地过活
伴侣好像只是为了补充空闲时的空虚

空虚的人很可能因为一点点小小的温暖而被感动
舍弃能够让自己保持平稳冷静的一切依靠
跨出去追求小温暖
可惜
往往到最后发现
其实那别人散播的温暖都只是普通的量
只是空虚的人把那难得的温暖吸收得比较多
才会显得特别的温
结果
才发现自己会错了意

飘移

没有支柱
精神上没有寄托
原以为的寄托
好像不是想象中的美好
根本就是自己单恋
人家好像不把自己放在心上
突然之间
累掉
不想说话

同时面对着两位心头上重要的人

突然之间冷冷地，不讲话

突然之间累掉

不说话 不交流

为什么？

冷。。

想靠近她却一直被她推向她

她是不明白吗。。？

还是故意的

尴尬了

问自己心里是怎么想的。。？

好像比较想选择她

可是她好像只把我当稍微比较好的朋友

可以解闷，聊天的朋友

不懂

今天

没有力量

能谈心事的只有女性朋友
为什么？
因为自己hiao 吗?

你不相信？算了=P

很想要把一切过去
都删除
把这一些还未成熟的
却自以为很成熟的时候写的文章都一一删除

我不是想要谈恋爱
不是想要什么激情
想要的只是一个情感上的寄托
不会再乱乱动摇

自己的缺点不需要讲出来
真正了解我的人都懂
问题是能接受的人有多少？
接受了我的缺点
又必须接受将会带来的
从朋友那里得到的尴尬
如果你愿意
我不介意

害怕

会害怕如果失败了
我们不能够再当朋友
像往常那样
中间总会隔着一层膜
曾经的
都只能变成曾经
不能够带到未来

我又害怕
如果没有尝试
我会失去拥有的机会
怕时间会淡化
毕竟我太过视自我为中心
如果没有什么特殊原因
朋友都会被我淡忘
不想忘记
就是让你成为我的伴侣

我又害怕
如果我们真的成功在一起了
因为学业 事业分隔两地
怎么办？
虽然我信任你
但是
很怕你一个人很累
电讯发达
怕我们没有时间
时间可以安排？
还是会害怕
当然是看要还是不要
只是 害怕你孤单
不想让你难过 一个人总撑着
很想让你靠
互相扶持

哪怕将来只剩下自己一个人

我都会挺着走到最后

可怜将来跟自己在一起的人

好像一直在想着自己需要的是些什么
忽略了自己能给的有些什么
在别人难过时你不懂得如何安慰
别人很兴奋很开心是你总会微微一笑带过
别人吼你的时候你很可能更大声地吼回去
别人需要你陪伴的时候你只会埋头苦干
脾气给人觉得很累
金钱没得给 特别Kiamsiap
热忱三分钟热度
不体贴 不浪漫
能给的都没有吧
想要的却很多
自以为自己太了不起了吧
忽略了最重要的

除非
有那个能够接受
那么不完美的我

失败~

最讨厌的是
等人，让别人等自己，等待
等待的过程中什么东西都不能够放手去做
你等我 我等他 他等他/她

所以有些时候
我认为独来独往方便得多
不需有任何的牵挂
如果有那么一个可以寄托的归宿
我愿意带着那个她
陪我一起走

每个人都在不停地拍打着翅膀
练习飞翔
每个人都在过自己的生活
准备着 规划着自己的未来
情一定会慢慢地淡化
就连个聚会都不能够全体出席

当然这不是我所期望的寄托
没关系吧

feel disgusted about my posts ?
these aren't confession
these are just something i would like to say
to my dream girl
though i couldn't find her now
or maybe i haven't ready to get her now
not Her , not her
not them
this is for every girl that i have and i will grab or chase after

as what i really wish is that
i wish could have a mentally supportive companion
who could share problems together
face challenges and obstacles together
fight for our dreams together
console each other in despair
push each other forward
trust each other
being together mentally rather than physically

english

if i could have you by my side
i feel i could touch the sky
without any afraid
as i knew that
you will hold me when i fall

if i could have you by my side
i think i wouldn't let my mind idle
thinking of the matters which don't really matter
relationships..

if i could have you by my side
i think i wouldn't feel insecure in my sleep
being sleepless all the while
dreaming about all the impossibles

if and only if you allow me to own u
as my precious possession
living in the deepest of my heart
being the backbone of my spirit
supporting me spiritually
i wouldn't mind the days
we would have to separate physically
being miles away from each other
as i knew you will be in my heart
being with me all the while.

可以谈谈吗？

昨天
有股冲动把心里的结一一解开
把心里的话讲出来
把心事一一摊开
宁可面对后果
都不想再结局前面胡思乱想
会很累，真的很累

她其实还不懂
我也不懂她
如果可以把东西都搞懂
那么摊牌比较简单了
不需猜测 不需揣摩

问题是
她还认为我还在追求那个她
而且还认为才没过多久
我是不是太急躁 太耐不住了？
还是我因为追不到而把她当成代替品？

我心里知道
也懂得区别感觉
问题是 时间的问题
拖得太久 会错过时机
太过急躁 会被误会

是需要才会想要
需要她可以带来的利益
不是表面上的利益
而是心里那寄托的对象

不想这么一样
漂浮不定的
想要有寄托，扶持
再来追求我那伟大的梦想

发现
其实自己不是想要拥有
陪伴比较被我看重
有位能够陪自己奋斗的人 哪怕不成为我的女朋友 都还是可以接受
只是不值得的是 付出的不属于自己
得到的只是奋斗的过程与成果
不能够一起享受 却能够一起承担
至少能够成为自己的动力吧

不喜欢的是
她很喜欢自己扛
愿意受 听取别人的哭诉
自己的哭诉 只是发发唠叨而已

她跟每个人都很friend
我不知道自己在她心里有没有地位

话说Mr. J 有问到我到底喜欢她什么
很深的问题
答案。。想清楚了

因为我觉得我需要这样的一个人
陪伴我去面对未来
喜欢她的特别
那特殊的思想，气息
跟我有些相似
不是普通的女性
不任性，不计较，大方，思想慎密
也是符合我理想的人
可以跟我谈得来 相处得来

我不会像幼稚的人说
我喜欢她的全部
可笑！
可是 我喜欢她可以让我喜欢上的特点

继续考虑下去可能又再失去机会　错过了适当的温度
如果不好好考虑的话又会因为冲动而失去了珍贵的东西

可是这不像是金钱物质可以袮补的空虚

有点想让她知道
可是却害怕她知道以后会痛苦

如果她知道了的话？

可能是自己耐不住寂寞吗？

加油！

一早起来
读到了以前那个她的心情
小女孩长大了
开始会为了爱而烦恼了
可惜烦错了
因为会为爱亲而烦的人都不是成熟的人
爱只能成为动力与扶持的能量源
不是必需品

而我自己又为什么要为了爱而烦?
因为自己不够成熟？
也因为我自己了解我这个人
如果没有力量推动
我都会是三分钟热度
不能够持久
也因为我对情感方面都要求过高
我对我现有的都不满足
所以我想要一份长久的情

小女孩，
别后悔自己做出的决定
踏出了第一步其实就代表了你的成功
至少你尝试了去接近自己想要的
维持感情哪里有那么容易？
需要双方的合作
单方面的你 会很累
说实在的
其实一开始知道的时候我都不怎么看好
我不懂他是什么样的人
只是直觉告诉我
this is a puppy love

说到好像自己很expert
其实我自己的都一团糟
根本没有能力 没有信心 往自己想要的踏前一步
有在接近 只是。。
没有跨出去
跨不出去 永远都实现不了吧

野心？

难得遇见那么有志愿有野心的女生
我喜欢

虽然不肯定她到底是想要读些什么科系
我也不肯定自己将来会选择什么科系
可是
如果可以的话
我们能够一起实现我们的野心
成为这个领域的大人物

health science, 范围广阔
我希望的是 人类不再依赖药物
靠自然界的生物来调节身体
让身体自然地痊愈

她想要创造自己的品牌
我曾经也是
可是因为太过遥远所以我选择了别的
现在的我
需要的是名声
在营养研究方面得到肯定
接着 必须寻找资金后山
才能够开创研究机构
打造自己的品牌
资金越来越大
我的范围要越来越扩散
包括饮食，起居，学业等
只要跟生活有关的
我都想要掺一脚

如果我们真的能够在一起打拼
即使困难至少还有对方陪伴
一起吃苦 然后一起享受成功以后的快感

target : 成为一位health consultant 争取名望 信任 再来以生意头脑寻找资金 研究 开发 扩散 称霸 赞助

如果将来成功了，方便了社会，我会准备奖学金给未来的少年 不许他们再为钱而放弃自己的愿望
想要读 就去吧
没有钱 只要你有心 我可以给你免费的学习 只要你有所研究 为人群带来更新 的知识

说实在的
现在这种年纪的恋爱
到底能够维持多久？
为了学业分隔两地
为了未来分开上路
为了生活埋头苦干

即使是解决了心里的问题
将来的呢？
除非双方都愿意配合
即使不在一起
心依然能够联系
童话吗？

再次告诉自己
有就有没有就没有
当然比较想要有啦
没有的话 又有什么关系吗？
没有的话就为了自己而活吧
有的话就为了彼此而活吧
都是为了生活
都只是为了活得不空虚

对吧？

难得的聚会

难得的聚会
可惜的是大家都在为各自的生活打拼
一开始我觉得好像有种陌生的感觉
还好
像以往那样轻松地混了过去
我不是主要人物
所以如果有一天我销声匿迹
应该不会有关系吧
因为如果我其他方面有了决定
我很可能不顾一切
抛开所有枷锁
说声再见
从别人的生活中消失
留下的只会是回忆

谈到未来
大家有些不肯定
我突然说到
找一天空闲来慢慢谈
我想要说的是
或者说我期待的是
大家可以一起高谈自己的理想
在熟悉的人的鼓励下
稍微变得更自信
然后为彼此加油打气
然后说好以后有机会合作
以每个人选择的不同的科系
合作闯片天
可惜
被否决了

大家外表变了
都变漂亮，帅气了
突然觉得自己好像又再老去了

明天开工啦～
休息吧

投资？交易？

一场噩梦

因为自己拖拖拉拉地

她跟另外的男的牵手了

如果决定了，为什么要拖拖拉拉地？

失败不久失败

成功不久成功

到底害怕些什么？

因为失败的经验太多了吗？

继续昨晚未能结尾的话题：

想要投资吗？

把你的一生当作赌注

压在我这个

不浪漫，不完美，不体贴，大男人

缺点多多 的男生

和我在一起

面对挑战，互相鼓励，扶持对方，信任彼此，一起加油

愿意吗？

傻的

你以为你自己真的那么了不起？

可以确保自己将来一定成功

又能顺便拉别人一把？

可是

我真的需要一个可以陪我努力的伴

一起加油 才能够看到成果

以共同的目标

来场交易

为彼此提供彼此需要的

有了必需品才能够追求更多的

实现那遥不可及的野心

能够陪我吃苦的伴

异性的伴

哪里找？

眼前的这个

是现在我看到的

问题是

她愿意吗？

不确定 想确定

如何去确定她心里到底在想些什么？
太过担心失败了
失败 不只是得不到 更是失去原本拥有的
我不是什么大企业家 感放手一搏
只是个小小的投资者
只要求赚取 不能忍受失去

她和他
是朋友？
还是互相等待的对象
如果是他在追求她
我插入 我自己可以接受
如果是他们在等待对方
我插入 我真的没有人性
我的人
心太软
害怕伤害到别人
自己吃点亏没有关系

想要知道?
但是该如何知道
想要让她知道
有该怎么让她知道？

我已经不懂得如何去追求
真希望可以给我打个提示
给个答案更好

如果有一天
她发现了这里
那她又该怎么面对？
假装不懂吗？
总该有一方行动吧。。

她>她

她可以取代心里面曾经认为那么重要的她

一个是已经习惯了的存在

说好

我这个人不是为了恋爱而恋爱

开始都是为了最终的目标

天长地久的恋情

太过要求完美吧

我想要的是安定

不需要太多的新鲜

太多的惊喜

也不希望太过的平淡

只想要一起去面对挑战

一起去尝试新的东西，新的事物

可能是我想太多吧

还没有开始就已经想好如果真的在一起

该如何面对对方的家人等等等

有一个是已经认识了那么久

双方家长都已经认识

跟对方的家人有能够交流

又得到了些许的信任

所以如果依照这些自己的要求

是不是会选择这段比较稳定了路来走呢？

曾经如此地想过

问题是

我现在不是在追着啊

只是曾经尝试说出自己的想法

问题是表达不到

所以说

交易失败

没有继续啊

问题是她懂吗？

她又懂吗？

不可能。。是我们之前都互相提出的答案

可能是太要好了吧

正因为认识了，习惯了

而想要拥有 ， 对吗？

发现自己错了

因为

我需要的

她给不到

只能像以往那样

跟随

她太强 

能够得到的只是

知识

给自己方便

急着想成功的shortcut...

问题是

为什么不选择一个可以鼓励自己

让自己去尝试

陪自己去面对的

那一半呢？

再次想想

想成功的话

比较需要哪一个

决定了

问题是

行动呢？

害怕。。。

自卑心

说我很有自信的人
都是那些只会看表面的人
懂得我自卑心很强的人才是真正了解我的人
一直认为自己没有什么长处
跟别人比较 往往都觉得自己落在人后

有些时候
是因为自己自以为是
太过于骄傲才会认为自己厉害
正因为如此所以才会停步不前

有些时候
小小的挫折来挫挫自己的傲气
才能够让自己知道原来自己多么的渺小
才能够让自己冷静下来检讨
才能够使自己想要改进
才能够使自己不想要再次被人贬低

钱，知识，变通能力，思考能力，讲话能力，幽默
等等等的平常人的能力 我都不能够好好地发挥
都需要暗地里的准备

缺乏自信？需要的时候挖得出来
应该是缺乏鼓励吧
背后，没有支撑自己的能量
家庭，友情，金钱
什么都没有
孤身作战

Mr. J 说过我自我为中心太过强烈
认为自己一个人也可以把事情办得好好的
solo king..
只是
这样做真的会很累
是吗？开始感觉到了
自己一个人
要挑战未来实在茫然
如果背后有个女人
那就另当别论

其实你不是什么垃圾桶

只是我自私地把你当着我专属的垃圾桶

因为很难找到一个愿意聆听我的人

也很难找到我信任的人

我信任你的判断

也需要你的安慰与鼓励

只是有些时候

不知道你是装不懂

还是真的不懂

我很笨

对感情的事不敏感

不能够断定你的真实想法

为难

之所以别人会还认为你跟以往一样追求着同一样东西/人

是因为人家不了解你？

可能是自己的变化太快了吧

可是

不想拖延

拖拖拉拉地

想之前的那样

结果呢？

害怕决定会使到决裂

却不想错过

难得一见的她

想要知道她在想些什么

不敢妄作决定

懂了多少？

她，懂吗？
为什么她把我跟她的事情想成了那样？
她曾经是我想要的
问题是我想要她的些什么？
问题是我跟她，不是在追求与被追求的关系
误会了？
问题是我忘了我让她知道了些什么
问题是我不知道她知道些什么不知道些什么
问题是我不知道我的问题能不能够得到答案
问题是我有太多的问题

朋友都还在认为我还在为那失去了的对象奋斗
追求着以往的自己所追求的
已经是别人的女朋友了
我最多只会留份心
不会再追求的
问题是如果接下来想追求的人
是别人想追求的？
那别人又不是别人
是像自己兄弟的朋友？

当然我可以很自私
只要她愿意我肯定不会在乎任何人的看法

拜年

拜拜的次序
每一次都搞错
没有关系吧 =X

拜年
红包当然不想少
今年的红包
因为有白事 所以少了很多
今年的红包
将会成为接下来的伙食费 T_T

看见苍老的保姆。。
心里感触良多
她
从小照看我们长大
教导我们
指点我们
品行，礼貌，思想
如果没有她的启蒙
现在的我 根本就会是个小混混

是她教会我如何去
看待所谓的妒忌心
如何去谅解妈妈的苦心
什么叫做‘头风’ 与‘脾气’

看见苍老的她,心酸
为什么人家老了是享清福
她则是被自己的儿子与媳妇‘虐待’？
曾经健壮的她 如今苍老得很

给自己的警戒：
孩子。。长大了就让他们自己飞
跌倒，受伤 他们的事
老年时 跟自己的老婆去旅游 走走
享受剩余的人生就好

气氛。气愤

新年
是我个人的想法不一样
心胸狭隘 没有肚量 还是什么？
为什么我跟家人呆在一起
没有新年的气氛不说
为什么我会常常感到气愤？
太过容易pekcek
想要自己不发脾气，控制好情绪
却觉得自己的心理过意不去
很难受

可能有一天有能力了
我会搬出去自己住
不许很大
该有的都有就好
最重要的是要有位女主人陪我

告诉自己将来别让身边的人
感到不舒服
尤其是自己重要的人
家人，情人，友人

可能自己太过要求完美
对小小的不满都会造成大大的不适
也或许自己需要的温暖（家庭）无法改变

所以自己想要追求一个
可以伴着自己的伴侣吧

心里也是需要大扫除

过去的自己
为什么会那么容易动心？
现在的自己又为了什么而动心？
新年，是时候舍弃不该留念的心事 整理一下自己的感情世界

一个是性格开朗活泼可爱
是一个会使人想要保护的人
一个是坚定不倒
对自己很重要的人
曾经在两者之间徘徊
一个是年少轻狂想要追求的
一个像是自己需要的依靠
决定得不够干脆
两头不到岸
一个可有可无的热血
一个是自己羡慕的温暖

空虚的人
精神上没有寄托
漂浮不定太容易被影响
野心又大的人
除了追求目标没有可以
给自己推动力的支柱
享受的是追求时的痛苦
正因为是得不到
才会想要挑战
恐怖的自己？
对！如果没有目标
只为了活着而活着
想想。。这个野心大的人活得快乐吗？

家庭的温暖
我感受不到
羡慕的我
选择了追求别人所拥有的
是那股温暖吸引了自己？
只有这个解释最合理

安慰？
得不到
鼓励？
得不到
了解?
只是认识，熟悉
信任？
只是因为熟悉，不背叛
虚伪的温暖好像不是自己真正想要的
 别人的始终是别人的

我这个人
好像不会因为喜欢而喜欢
而是看中了利益
不是金钱，身家，工作，学业
而是精神上的寄托，心灵上的安慰
能够互相体谅，互相信任，互相安慰，互相支持，互相鼓励，一起打拼
太完美？只要能够不再让我的心灵漂浮不定就好

我的世界太过灰暗，太过沉闷
能够融入我的世界的人寥寥无几
我的脾气太过不好，太过激动
拥有能够体谅我的度量的人，少之又少
能够跟我无所不谈，无需介意的人，很难找到

占有欲再次燃烧

可以自私地把她
占为己有吗？

需要的成为了想要的

欣赏，喜欢
都只是少年时应该存在的因素
既然是老的思想
那么就不需理会喜欢不喜欢
只需直接在意如何去维持就好

好像是在把想对那个她说的
都偷偷地融入了这篇帖子

如果不介意的话
我们可以一起不在意
不理会

暧昧？！

别人说我在搞暧昧
如果不是暧昧
是真的
多好？=D
可以光明正大
不需理会别人的眼光

提醒

今天的自己再次被人看穿
对
我失去了那股热诚
为什么？
因为无论我做得多好
都没有被认同
也因为我厌倦了
来来去去都是一样的
没什么特别

被点醒
别以为自己很厉害
可以把一切都看得清清楚楚
变数 不可能完全被你掌控
别因为习惯 而忽略了惊喜
平平淡淡确实稳定
不稳定才会有所突破不是吗？

我
害怕
不敢尝试
对朋友下手
尤其是难得能够了解自己
可以不顾一切地聊天的朋友
失败将带来的后果
承担不了

Mr.J
再次提醒我
她不是我女友
不是我发泄心里不满的地方
也不是我的寄托
可惜我好像已经
不经意地把她当成了自己重要的人
可以信任的人

我只想知道
成功率。。有吗？
不想再打没有胜算的仗
也不想再因为自己的冲动而搞扎
怎么能够知道她心里到底会给什么样的答案？

幻想中的那个她，愿意吗？

只要你愿意

愿意接受那自私的我
自私地把一切开心、不开心的事都告诉你

愿意接受那固执的我
固执地认为自己的理念才是对的

愿意接受那空虚的我
会耐不了寂寞而死粘着你

愿意接受那坏脾气的我
发起脾气不可收拾

愿意接受我那杂乱的感情世界
邋邋遢遢地把过去都留在心里

愿意接受那毫无成就的我
陪我一起打拼，闯天地

只要你愿意
愿意成为我心灵上的支柱、安慰、寄托
以终身伴侣为目标
互相扶持，互相鼓励
一起闯关，一起生活

我可以放下过去
也不去在意别人的眼光

话说自己到底真正喜欢的人是谁？
应该无所谓了吧
对自己来说
这一生
我好想只为了自己而活
需要的不是过得开心
只需要过得安心

就像我对Mr. Jacky 说的一样
有人要我，我就要人
如果她真的要我，我们可以向我想的那样
互相支持
我就会觉得开心

对我来说
恋爱不是短暂的幸福与开心
而是长久的信任与安心
把自己的一辈子交托给对方
一起把剩下的那些年过完

太完美了吧？
真希望如此
不需要轰轰烈烈的爱情
只需要真真诚诚的感情

办得到吗？
我要求的不多

感情世界太过杂乱

为什么自己的感情世界那么地杂乱无序？
原因？
只因为自己太过容易对别人动心
又不容易发下曾经留在自己心里的那些人

自己的情绪。。往往只有负面的
生气，憎恨，自卑
无论自做些什么
自己错，生气自己然后感到自卑
别人错，生气别人然后感到愤怒
所以往往一些些正面的情绪
就可以牵引我  走向 那股温暖

‘我很想爱她，只是理智在说话’

很想不顾一切地
自私地
把她 当成自己精神上的寄托
一起奋斗 一起过活

不管是不是真爱
我觉得彼此在一起
可以互相依靠 互相支持 互相信任
这比真爱来得更珍贵

空虚的需求

好久好久都没有动电脑了
所谓的就其实也不过是几天
靠近一个星期左右了吧

诱惑扰乱了自我

再次想想
自己到底在情感方面
想要些什么
需要些什么

寄托？信任？依靠？

追求只是使自己的欲望有个寄托
不随便漂浮
正因为有了追求
不因为没有而感到空虚

想要的是
稳定，长久，坚固的一段情

不想再追求？
因为自己不懂自己到底想要的是怎样的

只要人家要我
我就会要人家
为什么？
因为自己不管谁都可以喜欢上
相处不只是因为有好感
更重要的是相互体谅
我想要的感情里
不需要有太多的热情与激情
需要的只是互相依靠，信任彼此，互相支持
一起打拼

需要的只是自己不再感觉空虚
不空虚就不会需要顾虑自己的感情世界
可以勇往直前

温暖？
是因为自己得不到
而想要从别人那里得到
家庭的那股温暖
这一点吸引了我

不是直接得到的话
就想要自己创造一个

那位。。。
去哪里找？
身边吗？
不想再与自己觉得可以谈，可以信任的朋友之间
再因为自己的渴望而制造裂痕

迷乱

还是一如既往地坚持自己要求的系统

有些时候
我不懂为什么自己跟同辈不是很合得来
反而跟老一点的比较谈得来

我不懂为什么A 那么好心
为什么不严厉一点
不明白D 为什么那么没有leadership
不明白E 为什么那么爱把人当狗来使唤

一个组织
零零散散地
如何才能够进步？
没有quality
只有quantity

应该做的事统一系统
每个人都带着自己的傲气做工
如何才能和平共处
每个人都为了自己而偷闲
工事何时才能完成

现在的人
好玩
不懂得在正确的时候做对的事
不懂得分辨场合
想玩就玩
想说就说
想做就做

看不下去
每一个我产于的组织都是那么的破烂不堪
可不可以给机会我拯救？
看不下去
熬不下去
每次都当那个吃亏的

叹

空虚的人耐不了诱惑

耐得住寂寞

耐不了诱惑

理智地告诉自己

这不可能

是因为自己心里没有做好准备

明明知道不可能

但不是没有想过

要不要

想不想

可不可以

戒备，放不下

这股温暖

接受还是不接受？

害怕。。

不懂

开玩笑而已吧

有些时候

有些时候
认为别人很重视自己
自己在别人心里有着重要地位
其实都只是自己因为从来没有感受过
而误以为然

有些时候
会因为自己不懂别人到底
头脑在想些什么事情
心里藏着些什么心事
背后隐瞒着什么事实
很想弄清楚
却无奈地失败了

有些时候
很希望有个可以聆听我诉苦的人
很希望自己能够成为别人诉苦的人
很希望对方跟自己
可以毫无保留地谈心
不隐瞒，不欺骗
真诚的知己

有些时候
常常给自己找许许多多的借口
去逃避心理过意不去的事情
去闪躲自己不想要面对的事实
很想要忘记却记住了

有些时候
感觉自己很了不起

有些时候
觉得自己什么都不是

有些时候
自己很喜欢当个孤僻的人

有些时候
很爱自己一个人emo

去想有些时候
自己希望，自己觉得，自己做过
的事情

厌恶依赖

不会驾车，等人载
不会煮饭，等人煮
很多不会的事情都得等别人来做
我知道人不能够把世界上所有的东西都学起来应用
但是，依赖别人的感觉
不好受
自己再不喜欢都得听别人的主宰
失去了自己的控制权，
任别人拟定我们自己该做的事，自己的时间
因别人而让自己坠落
自己再好，也因身边的龌龊
污染了自己

我不想再依靠别人
想独自一个人生活
自己的房子，自己的车，自己的空间，自己的钱，自己的自由

什么都没有
什么都不会
的自己
看了都讨厌

愤怒，是为什么现在的自己
如此的没有用
将来的自己可以好到哪里去？
需要钱，需要机会

工作压力

很久以前

在那曾经的奋斗中

遭遇过背叛，boycott 等等

那个人，因为妒忌吗？

曾经jio朋友们搞boycott

开始一起打临工

再次恶言重伤

认识就了的 难道比不上刚认识的吗？

这就是‘交际’？

工作压力

被老的施压

是我太骄傲吗？

还是你们妒忌？

我真的不明白

有什么好比较的？

的确我认为

我服务的顾客都能感到舒适，轻松

我没看见你们能多好地服务

讲话沉沉地

不然就是没大没小

lansi 的语气

我不懂

接下来我不可以犯错

被人抓着肯定不好过

既然从前

自己就懂得如何一个人生存

一个人 不需要去管别人喜不喜欢自己

讨不讨厌自己

无需再去理会他人的看法

心，死了

无法忍受稚气的少年

也没权利去指责

你们是你们

我是我

既然是不同世界，不同理念，不同思想

何苦去把双方缠在一起？

我是个serious 的人
做工什么的
即使是part time 我都会全心全力去做
我不是那种能够让别人来管我的
比较我行我素一点
不大有leadership的supervisor
人很好
但是同事们都好像没把他们看在眼里
我不懂得交际
有东西谈才谈
有东西做就做
可能有人会说我lansi 吧
而且我也比较Pia
没有事做就会sien
所以一直在找东西做
有customer就去迎接
可能这种认真的态度会被别人记恨
也因为自己第一天就有人称赞自己而带来妒忌

将来的我
必须想办法爬得高高的
我不适合在底层工作

工作的第一天

等待，差一点迟到
大家都很热情
没有很凶
但是我一直被骂><
算是讲吧
为什么自己的两位朋友没有中？！
因为吃蛇去了
一直告诉自己不要act geng
要谦虚，傲气要收起来
还不错，办到一点点
推销是我在工作时最喜欢做的事
不喜欢做拉拉杂杂的~.~
有人说我蛮厉害好像很有经验
但是有把我拉一旁不让我继续
要给别人机会
aiyo...
都没有commission 的
我不喜欢闲着没事做嘛
我的两个一起去的朋友
吃饭不等我！！
但是他们大胆
不像我什么都怕
即使是supervisor 不凶
我都不敢挑战-.-
很多朋友来探班。。
被说成我们很多fans 哈哈
可是。。
没有得off，不能考车
没有得自己排shift ..
transport 出现问题啦
接下来很多的活动都不能出席了
我要pia 工钱-.-
钱不够用啊
晚上有一点累
但是我觉得生活这样蛮充实的
再接再厉！
全部工作的朋友，加油!

情<目标

睡醒的早晨
突然心头上酸酸的感觉
那感觉是什么？
眼看着自己曾经喜欢的人远离自己
和另外一个他牵起了手

虽然说只是单恋
从来就没有什么希望
却还会有一点点的失望
有些时候办事情
无论是感情或任何事情
都不应该拖拖拉拉地
搞不清楚
自我安慰之下
选择了抱着希望

曾经像柯景藤那样
想要那个世界因为自己
有一点点改变

还好不像他们一样
相爱了却不能够在一起

我的人生中
感情生活都是杂乱的
不是我不想整理
而是我无能为力

第一段恋情
使我体会到
打铁要乘热
拖着拖着
加上对方的不配合
在一起只是因为在一起
而不是想要在一起

接下来都是单恋
那中一至中三的我
像个疯狂的追求者
只懂得向前冲冲冲
却不懂得听下来聆听自己的内心
脾气也因此逐渐的暴躁
不怨
而是感谢
她教会了我许多东西
真的

中三那年
动摇了
曾经说过不想再
陷入感情世界了
还好考试
使我回避了

中四
动摇得太厉害了
支持不住
选择了放弃
开始新一次的旅途
我以为
这一位是能够双方面配合的
日子久了
顾虑得太多了
拖了又拖
时机错过了

中五
在两者之间动摇
混乱
年尾了才来领悟

每一段单恋都教会我一些东西
找个适合自己的伴
不再做年少轻狂的美梦
时机要对别热了又冷冷了又热
铁都会断的
能够陪伴自己
支持自己的才是自己需要的
而需要的正是自己想要的

接下来的日子
没有了感情的目标
还有梦想的目标
我不会因此而止步不前
动力？那远大的目标
寂寞？难耐，但自己本来就一个人来到世上
挫折？只靠自身的意志力来生存
寒冷的冬天
会让我的心结上一层冰
等到对的人对的时机
再让那个人来融化吧
决定不再随意动摇
毕竟自己不再是小孩子 不再是少年
长大了
我那远大的目标，志愿
不可以再因为感情的事
而耽误了

家

最害怕讨论的问题就是家庭
每个人对家庭都有自己的看法
我觉得我的跟别人的不太一样

家应该是温暖的
是孩子心灵健康成长的地方
是培育孩子思想的地方
是孩子获得安慰和关怀的地方

我有个家
但我感受不到温暖
得不到安慰和关怀
却是我成长的地方

可能是我自己要求太高
期望太大了吧

父亲
严厉 固执 大男人 惹人厌
不省钱 乱花钱 不关怀 不体谅

母亲
勤劳 吃苦 简朴
有些时候太过于关心变成担心
省吃俭用 很会存钱养家

姐姐
勤劳 妒忌心强 吃里扒外
危险 现实

哥哥
大男人 固执 聪明
做工赚钱了 不Kiamsiap 大方地花钱

我
想太多 妒忌心强 爱猜疑
骄傲自大 不体谅 没耐心 孤僻 脾气坏

我们家很少交流
每个人都为自己的生活而忙碌
没有美满的家庭 没有依赖 没有寄托
所以我们都很坚强
我们不喜欢被人瞧不起 会奋斗 会争光
我们都很会想 不喜欢父母操心
父母开始担心我们都会觉得很烦
一个人待着的时间比见面的时间长
交流的时间比见面的时间短

不能改变什么
毕竟底部都没扎稳

只能够想办法不让它恶化
不崩溃
只能想办法回馈父母

不再奢望

其实在旅途开始的早上
看见了那封短信
‘。。。比较适合当朋友。。。。’
不懂是什么使她
发出这么一样的短信

我知道
我们都是来自不同世界的人
完完全全不一样
思想性格完全不一
或许就只是一时兴起？
或许我太过空虚
想要找个伴来填补那空虚感
你不能够给我温暖
只能够成为我的目标之一
不是能量源，却是动力源
不能支持
只能是我一味地向前冲
只有这么做自己才会因为
追求而忘了自身的空虚

也刚好在收到她那封短信前
我混乱了
自己真正的情感
只是想要？
想着自身的利益
我真的只会把自己累坏
不能扶持我内心的懦弱
我真的需要这种感情吗？

谢谢这封短信
帮我画上句号
不再因此而烦恼
也不会因此而肚子痛了

两年。。
拖拖拉拉地过了
完全没有什么行动
只有心动
时机错过了

我不是那种热血派的人
能够不顾一切地追求一项东西
不能使你冲动
只因为我太过冷漠
你需要一个可以扶持你的
一个可以成为你的动力的
但是别太过天真

回头看看自己曾经做过的决定
自己曾经的混乱
曾经的天真
后悔了
我判断错误了

需要的会成为你想要的
明明就是不可能的
自己也觉得没有希望了
却因为责任感
坚持着
因为自己的混乱做错了决定
做错了事

不是想要逃避责任
也不是在为自己准备下台的楼梯
只是领悟到了
自己心里到底渴望些什么
想要得到些什么

即使我们在一起
你不能给我安慰
我不能给你动力
彼此都没有被需要的理由
没有化学作用
没有感情 也没有利益

我只是个过路人
一个不小心撞上你的路人
拍了拍衣服就说声
对不起
谢谢你的原谅
再见

不是想要斩断些什么感情
不是想要舍弃
只是想要改变
不想再费心在
无畏 无益 的事

相通了
所以我才能够如此
坦然地接受
不挣扎
不苦恼
不难过
顿时觉得轻松多了
感受到自由了

langkawi 之旅

相隔了那么久再次更新blog
有太多的感受想要写
这一篇就只是个热身

虽然我和他们都不是说很能一起疯
毕竟我自己是个比较serious的人
谢谢邀请

十荒
只要大家在一起就不慌
说实在的
虽然有很多问题发生
大家都不会太过慌张
信任与寄托
都了解会大家一起度过
而不会崩溃

互相体谅 互相配合
虽然不能到所有的景点玩
不能玩一些活动
但是
在一起的时光都不空虚
很实在也很自在
不介意
虽然有些过分
但是还是能够体谅
不翻脸
彼此之间都没有什么隔膜
即使不满也不会去介意

她还是一样
只要自己能办到的
就把一切扛在身上
有时应该分担分担
别把自己累坏
眼看着
无法帮忙减轻
只好不加重

互相信任
相信着对方
不会出卖自己 不会伤害自己
无需顾虑太多
开心地玩就对了
这种感觉很温暖

下次是几时？
一定会想办法出席

handphone to school ?

heard that students now are able to bring handphone and others technology equipment to school.

that is a new technology era in the school.

benefits~

students are able to learn with m-edu.

thru phones, they are able to look at the pictures and videos of the topic that is taught by teachers.

dictionary apps help them to improve their vocabulary and solve their problems easily.

thru the wiFi in the school, students are able to search for info easily too.

hp helps students to communicate with parents, help parents to find their children and to prevent them from playing truant or waste their time with bad activities.

this secure them from involving in bad activities.

demerits ~

thru phone , SMS in the classroom will occurs frequently.

vibrations and ringtones in the classroom or even the keypad sound may disturb the lessons.

camera on the hp will be used to capture the picture or video of students or even teacher and been uploaded to facebook to be joked or spread . cyber bully may occur. those victim may emotionally get hurt.

besides, pornography videos maybe shared among the students and affect their morality to involve in free sex . curiousity may bring them closer to the devil.

some students that are not from rich family may get affected. those who dont have a hp may ask their parents to buy them one. this heavier the back of parents to work harder. some ppl are still using keypad-phones but but not smartphone.

key-pad type does not mean useless, still we can text , call, capture photos, videos, online, play mp3 and videos and so forth.

but that is more convenience to have a smartphone.

old phones are thrown aside to have new. wastage of materials may increase.

not only hps..

ipad, tablets, laptop and the other high-tech eqps will be soon become popular among teenage.

to have money to own the eqps , they may involve in bad activities just to own them. social cases may increase.

they might oso go and have a part-time job. and this may effect their study.

the price of these high-tech eqps may have a rise in demand and may effect the marketing and economical stability.

samsung galaxy series, sony ericsson , and apple are all from foreign country. those Msia made eqps mayb thrown aside.

Hill hike

This week , we were all busying planning for the hill hike activities.
bus was a trouble
many of those said want to go but too lazy to find ways to hand in the form
i was just lucky to met one of the friends to hand in for me .
the bus was booked by o.
many things happened.
early in the morning, everyone excitedly met and board the bus to go to penang .
it was so fun and cold early in the morning near the jungle.
i told myself not to run so fast...
but then i was behind at first but then chased in front =.=
hills are unlikely to land...
the gradient made us move hard to overcome the mgsinQ
but then i managed to find a way to speed up but that is a little bit dangerous.
put foot on the small drain along the road and walk in the small drain.
really sped me up .
later on .. i reached the top of hill by 930.
1.5 hours from starting time.
i managed to get cert and lucky draw coupon
i told myself to walk with those girls ..
but then ..
i grabbed the chance to train myself instead of socialising..
i need training for how to communicate pls ~~~ T_T
i dont like to talk and deal with ppls , but myself have the skill on how to deal with ppl.
i needed a medium to transfer the idea.
thus.. i was known as the ppl who only know how to talk but no actions taken.
when i reached the top of the hill, the air is so cool ,felt so refreshing.
yet.. the panorama scene was blocked by haze..
argh....
waited for 30 mins, another few friends came.
ate something at the same time wait for others.
more and more friends reached.
ate delicious char koay teow after tiring race.
someone called....
got some of the friends are still at the middle.
stucked caused by the mgsinQ overcame their forces on the knee and body weight.
omg...
i told the ppls not to be cheh gong.
but then they scolded me that i was the only one who cheh gong.
they str8 ran out and go down to meet
after eating and resting and solving.
i decided to walk down.
they reached 4.x high.
easily i could met them.
walked with them until nearly the end..
heard that it was lucky draw session.
for the EX5 motor lucky winner...
0..
4...
6...


my heart beats very fast

FIVE
my heart sank and cracked."piang!"
my number was
046Four.
WTF?
so d@M lucky.
after resting . we took cable car down to the hill. they were all tired.
those who str8 ran down jz now ...
BIG troubles..
4 become 3 + 1
all not stick tgt.
haiz..
after that .. waited for rapid nearly 2 hours ++
chatted with a pair of taiwanese couple tourists.
bag pack travel to penang for 3 days.
told them some interesting places...
quite ashamed that i not really know penang places.

afterwards we gone to First Avenue.
that fucking uncle of bus..
scolded us .
actually it was his fault becuz he didnt ask.
had sushi king as lunch and back with that fucker's bus.

As conclusion, learnt a few lessonsss.
sorry to o & c.
as if i was not the person who talked and dint take action,
u all will not kena scold and all these will be better.
i am actually a person who likes to order and let others to work.
talk but no actions.
i admit this .
as if that i gave up the prize and pride of winning
mayb that all the friends will not be broke up and separated
everyone will reach the hill happily and ended the day.
lastly,
the relationship of 利用&被利用
should be fostered to handle those old men and women.
zha fit ppl should handle those ppls who tot that own are so powerful.
u said u were the worker of the boss and u listen to ur boss, bcuz he/she pays u.
and i pay ur boss for ur service.
now who is the zha fit yan ?
thank you uncle for ur lesson.
sorry uncle for u wasted ur time urself with ur own mistakes.
good bye becuz wont see u agn in the next service.

XXX

wow. .. never tot that i will have such an open mind ...
talk about sensitive issues at this age with female friends ? =.=
now ... i have changed into more talkative..
i can involve in any of the topics ... with girls ......
good try and good improvements ~.~  .

all the sensitive topics started today was bcuz "tanjung's incident"
heard the ppls say ...
a boy and a girl quarreled and the girl slapped the boy ...
then soon both of them went into the toilet...
ppls passed by could hear their sound ..
somehow like f-ing ..?
really .. that both of the main characters have diff behaviors after that and the days after..
omg ... ?
moreover ... that day was the boy's bday ..
the girl slapped him mayb jz bcuz he asked for XXX ?
but then the girl might be feel sorry to slap and reject...
................
................

我再次失败了。。
原因是？
懒的想了。。
至少我知道我该做些什么了。。
别人的父母在怎么严肃。。
至少少不了该给的鼓励。
没有该有的后山
那么就得靠自己了。
或许我真的身在福中不知福
但
我仍然决得自己比较适合孤独吧。。

人心难测
在挑战之前
不知何人散播谣言。。
有损我的名誉
尤其在我达不到目标时。
错过了一次
也不再有机会。。
机会来了真的需要好好把握。

难以形容。。
只是知道自己该做些什么东西了

Rained-saturday . short period of act

Disappointment has been part of my life.

i used to think things perfectly .

Regretted.

I tot that the troop will be fine ..

i will help the leaders and the troop..

but i really cant accept someone who are weak in leadership skills

what will i get if i really against them with some soft ways 

which is i will give my disagreement with somethings that are non-logic ?

surely get boycott one day. 

I was too proud.

wondering what made me changed 

冲突

一再地与人发生冲突。。
为什么我变得那么的不冷静。。
脾气很坏。。
是我自己的问题？
还是他人的问题?
我真的不会和人沟通。。
比较习惯自己一个人。。
但是长大了知道孤军作战不适合现实生活。。
所以呢？
该做些什么？
只是最大的迷惘。
Troubles
Without
Endurance
Never
Triumph
Yet
we
Should
Endure
Clear
Objectives
Never
get
Disordered .

But now , i dont haven objectives and lost endurance.

下雨天

今天是F4/1A考试的最后第二天。。
以往一样。。在考试的那个星期我也会照常上补习。。
学校考试。。是个测验而已。。就只是做做练习。。
这成绩表着什么?

补习完后。。
正想着该如何回去学校。
遇见zeno.
他也是从学校步行来的。
和他一起搭上tissue的车。
tissue 说她妈妈应该还会记得我是谁。。
她妈妈看见我根本不认得。。
因为太久没相遇了。
也或许我的体型、面孔、发型等都变了。。
老了。。。。
说到我名字她就记得起
：鼎鼎大名的北海中华一校模范生。。当然记得。。
这句话使我有些惭愧？
我。。。
似乎已忘了那种感觉。。
那种模范生的感觉。。
我。。。
变了。。。
不堪入目了。。。
当年的模范生到哪儿去了？
成绩不如人。。
品德也不如人。。
知名度也不如人。。

我。。
还是比较适合活在自己的生活。。
在自己的世界里过着高高在上、优雅地活在那个世界。。
这世界就是我的思想。

被人瞧不起？
不被人看好？
不被人尊重？
不被人相信？
不被人信任？
不被人崇拜？

一句So What ?
这一句的含义有谁懂？
哪怕是再恶劣的情况。。
只要自己的思维、思想的权利没被剥夺就不等于失败。
我就是那么emo..
因为是为了警惕自己。。
让自己活在低落的生活。。
自己才会发奋向上。。

好久好久都没来发泄了。。

也因为如此。

可能心灵上的压力增加了。。

不是都会发脾气。。

2012年。。上了高中。。

水平与初中相差蛮大的。。

一开始真的掌握不来。。

差点儿崩溃。。

但我不至于那么脆弱

只是需要一些时间来适应。

在那当儿。

一些些元素有在我心里及脑海打转。。

不知道有谁值得我信任值得我去分享秘密。。？？

我已经是不敢再相信人心。。

天蝎。。。实在跟我内心很像。。

心花花。。非常容易动心。。

想再去尝试。。但又不敢。。。

挣扎中在做不出决定的当儿。

压力又从里边施压。。

不知所措。。

很想让它自己来找我。。

但。。我是男的。。

阳光宅男？-。-

糟糕了啦。。。。
我姐一直说我像宅男-。-。。。
因为我喜欢躲在家。。
但只是星期天吧。。
其他天我都在学校。。。
我又不是那种只会看着漫画的宅男。。
我只是有时没事做看看动漫。。。
结果咧被讲成很宅。。
adui ...
sometimes i feel that human feelings are quite funny u know ..
i was just do somethings to fill up my time
but then at last kena say as otako..
as if i go out everyday and then become black black ..
others say me looks lamnua
mum will keep ask me dont go school
haizz...
i will just do wat i wanted to do ..

The days after Pmr

life of a student without books is really a boring life lols.
as a student did not study or reading ... the life is really like wasting time all the while.
everyone relaxed after the govern exam finished..
no one tot that the study life that are going to be faced are more challenging and hard.
everyone just relax and played all the while .
at school , teachers all did not teach..
everyday the F3 students walk around, talk and play..
for me...
just after pmr, we prepared for the softball competition.
that was the first time i had a softball competition..
i dont even know what is the comp and how the comp run..
just try our best ..
can win thats the best...
without an experience..
we all just go to the competition and get bullied.
then after the competiton ...
no more preparation and trainings..
life's but a poor actor acting on the stage without applause.
nothing special happened...
everyone do their own things, play their own things ...
until the last day of F3 ...
it remains the same.
boys >> football basketball ....
girls >> tchit chat , chess , uno
and i was oso busy for the cocuriculum things ...
haiz...
and until the last ... i think that i am not relaxed and released from responsibilities..
i am still remain serious and calm -.-
feeling that i did not enjoyed my life since i could think rationally..
but i have been changing ...
now ... i now how to relax a little bit more than before..
now ... i could play and laugh with all my firends ...
but still....
i love peace and teamwork..
as the gang of our friends ...
if one of them is separated i feel not happy enough.
i want everyone to enjoy being together =]
soon, we finished our F3 life , preparing for F4.
the first week of the holidays ... i spent with my friends busied for co-curiculum thingys -.-..
quite disgusting ...
is it i should squeeze my brain for all those thingys?
shouldn't i left a little bit more time for myself too =]?
hehez...
rest more lah and then be prepared all the time..
challenges appear all the wile at any time any place..
this coming saturday is the marathon of penang bridge.
not sure whether i could perform better than last year or not ...
cuz i have not been training and using my stamina this year...
hope that i could just run happily as i wish and as i could ^^.
rest rest rest....

Interest

i have been doing many things just based on my interest ..
now i really know how important is interest .
interest wont be interupted by any other issues ..
such as win / lose .. problems faced ...
this is true ..
if u have interest in doing that things and ur heart is there ..
u will surely enjoyed it and do everything with an opened heart.
since last week after pmr ..
my team and i were all busying for trainings ..
for our 1st competition of softball .
all of us are really excited..
until the day of the competition ..
we were all still unprepared .
we dont have enuf time to train ..
just few days.
yet we managed to survive hardly -.-
still acceptable ba.. the result.
we dont have a coach ..
others do.
we had never involved in competition .
that's most ma fan .
lack of experience.
but then ..
the second match ..
we enjoyed ourselves.
didn't bothered about win or lose .
we enjoyed .
at last ..
we lose too..
but then
we shown our spirit ( though some doesn't)
we shown that we have the talent too.
i m not destructed by the lose..
i m even more interested to challenge that .

原来我也几STIM一下。。

应该没有人玩game玩到压力吧？==

明明自己一开始玩说是玩爽。。

relax..

结果自己玩到在那里伤脑筋。。

要怎样才能好料。。。

别人noob noob 还不是玩到乱。。

要将好料在做么？

能吃？

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

读书啦浪费时间

迷惘

人往往会迷失自己。。
忘了做好自己。。
一是因为野心太大
二是因为太过自大
三是因为心里的压力太大
迷失方向
也就是忘记了自己到底是什么样的人。
迷惘
将是一个人的心理和意志力弱。。
要记得。。
不管什么时候。。
都必须做自己。。
我就是我自己。
要自到能够做自己是最幸福的事。。
别再跟别人比较了。

Alone.

I want a place that have just only myself .
full of peacefulness .. harmony ...
no one is gonna disturb me there .
fresh cool air with beautiful sunshine ..
there it is full of cheerfulness .
there i could do things i like to do ..
listen to my favorite music..
sleep and rest as much as possible .
non-polluted place.
with rivers and waterfalls flows smoothly ..
with cold water .
there i could take a cold water bath that cool my mind down .
living inside a cave with no man ..
just alone ...
my dream place where i could live with the nature .
thats just imagination.

In reality ..
i wish that i have a personal space where i could do everything inside .
with no one know what was i doing .
100% mine .
no one disturbed.

i don't like to be disturbed..
i prefer alone ?
mayb or maybe not .
not really sure ...
both have their benefits..

Friend Vs Love

For u ... among friends and lover..
wat would u choose ?
some will sacrifice their friend for their lover .
and this were always shot by others..
some will make their lover disappointed for too cares about the friends ..
everyone are friends nor enemies in the school
At the school , many pairs of couples made here.
and the couples were from friend to lovers.
some even hated each other after broken up.
so , for u , u will choose to be a long-term friend or be a short-term lover ?
bcuz mayb just a little bit of failure , u will lost such a good friend..
mayb it doesn't fail too badly ...
but there was a crack between the friendship.
some says not to be coward to face and challenge love ..
nor no gains without pain ...
all these are actually making themselves to go forward to find someone loved or who loves .
but how about really break up and could not be friends anymore ?
>> no one tot about that .. just wish to enjoy the feel of love ?
and most of them never tot that some would not accept yr love when u want to chase and gain her attention..
>> aiyo ... thats bcuz not skillful enuf .

Wth are those things ?
what to cares about ..?
don't border too much ?
just go ahead ?

LOL.
many factors to think of before making decision .
friend or lover？

1500m

aiks ....

today , there is a sukan gabungan for 3 chunglings...

i participated in 1500m L2 ....

i just tot not to be the last ...

but i failed to reach that .

my body is really tired ...

bcuz i didn't rest well yet ..

1st round ... 

i tot my body is well ...

i speedup... 

but .. 3/4 le ...

my stomach not well liao ><

alamak ...

have to slowdown le ..

mana know all ald win me ...

aiya ...

i m the last ....

then i saw 1 ...

kaki go out .. he gave up 

i m not well but i continue ...

everyone looking at me ..

asked : why are u so slow today ... 

>.< .. 

after i finished my 1500m ... 

i squat aside and vomit 

wtf ...

1st time run like this and till vomit ~.~

after that i really no more energy le ..

aiks .....

exhausted body ..

now i learnt a lesson ...

we should have rest well ....

NRC 2011

Was busying for National Robotic Competition for the past few weeks ...
and now it ends...
this year ...
we rarely have time to go to the lab..
and  then .. we met a new teammate after huijing's left.
there is a lot of things to be complained about him ....
sometimes he really drive me mad ...
wtF ....
my old old old old friend ....
has the same mind with me ...
the few days before the NRC ,
i went to my old old old old friend , huiying's house .
there we really tried and made it ..
till "early in the morning"
hahas ...
then the day of comp reaches...
luckily we still can jokes ...
early in the morning we gather at the lab and have last try and pack  the sets ..
at the hall .... there was really crowded ...
B30 , was our number.
aiyaaa.....
During the 1 hour 30 mins ( 1st Quarantine )..
we start with joining up the parts of robot ...
then we start to try our program..
it works ..
then we ask the judge about the pingpong case and check for robot size to make sure it's not more than 25cm X 25 cm X 25 cm...
the pingpong case failed ...
alamak...
then we all busy to do the pingpong case ...
keep fall >.<...
2nd time we go let him see .
he say it's ok dy..
then asked ... why was there a spring part ?
we say it's from the lego set ..
he say he will ask and find us..
but then he didnt...
aiya... 1st quarantine ended ..
we were afraid...
the judges shouted the team number of each team who had over the 25x25x25 ..
B30 !
omg ~ leader have to go infront ..
then we were given 3 mins to correct it ..
hy str8 called me infront ..
then we lend the box
it's really not over 25X25X25 what ..
then only he says that the spring cannot be used -.-
walao ???
mana mungkin ....
then we have to changed it ...
first round we failed ...
bcuz the spring cant be used.... lols ...
then it reaches lunch time ..
we were all discussig about the pingpong casing and ask why couldn't the spring be used..
seniors all say that it's legal.
GRr......
i was feeling to give up ...
until the last 5 mins ...
i decided : i dont want to siasui
when we in ... we tried to do the pingpong case ...
then we get the robot and we str8 try it ..
really bcuz of the spring's new part tat replaces it ...
too long and stucked...
i toook it back and tried to do new thing to replace the spring and p-p case..
then we try it ..
it works ~
last 1 min ..
we tried and it works ...
we were happy and just hoping it would finish the whole journey safely ...
but then it disappointed us ...
the ball drop >.< ...
when we back sch .. we try again...
it can run smoothly with only 16 sec...
wtF... the 3rd place still 20 sec ok ?
aiks,,,,,,, amteh .....
huiying : DIAM LARH ~~~
>> Hy : nvm la...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I have been busying so many co-curriculum things nowadays....
Omg ...
it's just ard 2 week time to trial exam...
i found that my brain isn't computer ..
computer can run multi-task at the same time ..
my brain ...
when it is clears .. i can run the most 2 tasks ... 2 most easy tasks ...
which is talk while doing homework =X.
mind is very luan ..
this is bcuz too stress..
aiya...
multi-task to run at same time ..
my brain sure one day will system down ~.~
choi choi..
my body has been lighting red light ...
my backbone + waist ..
got some prob liao ><
backbone cant bend in front .
waist will pain ..
zzzzzz
wats the prob ?


Aisheh ..
now then i noe that my person ..
is quite nice ?
正义
=.=
watch law of ueki till copy tio this ..
i scolded my classmates ..
shiyun & meixuan last friday..
they wanted ppl to sweep the floor ..
when yanling stand up want to sweep
they still ask for that day duty de ppl ..
i donnoe wat ..
看不顺str8 go and take brooms throw at there
ask them kaki lai .
somehow cant control EQ ..
too stress gua ..
but they point i out is correct .
the way is wrong

Aim ?

Nowadays , i kena ppl shoot ...
during the hari sukan , ppl say i run slow bcuz a reason . becuz i no aim =x
i keep telling myself not to aim for girls. ..
as i prefer alone =]
i know ... that sometimes i would think about haaving gf during the schooling life .
and before we face the reality ...
i m a little bit afraid of falling in love ..
Tu Kar Yammie was a person who makes me feel interested ...
but afterwards i realise that i couldn't make it .
then i listed her as my daughter .
i prefer being friend than lover. =]
nowadays ... i have became more like to anyhow think...
wondering what should i do ..
and what should i choose.
gaming or studying ?
loving or alone ?
scouting or studying ?
omg ....
i don't know wat i want ...
bcuz all are important things for me
the only thing i could do is to be good at every subjects ..
right ?
bcuz i donnoe wat to choose.
be good at all ...
so now i aimed for ...
Gaming and studying ..
i have to manage my time well ...
a little for gaming and more for study ..
i think i should be single instead of alone =]
single means i still have the chance to crush or fall in love .
alone = ignore everyone.
scouting ... i will improve all my skills , test ....
everything is part time ..
aiks.... i wished to have a main course

最近好像心痒痒。。乱乱地

脚受伤过后。。就整天呆在家里休息。。

整身都不舒服。。

开学了。。

觉得很舒服。。

因为终于可以见到朋友们。。

但是有时却会突然间Lowbattery

好像突然没电了。。

因为心里好像有些问题=。=

压着压着。。

压抑着自己的情感。。

有一点想要在学生时代有一段感情路。。

却被理智压抑住了。。

想要闹闹脾气。。

也收下了。。

想要去追求自己想要的东西也忘了。。

面对自己喜欢的东西却有为了考试而放下。。

觉得值得吗？？

这个还好。。因为勉强来坚固双方应该可以的。。

但是。。。

情感咧？？

怎么办？

S.E.C.@KL GOMBAK 29/5-31/5

Welcome to the S.E.C.

All the boys and girls are ge tready

This is what we are going to do 

Climbing up and down to go forward

Crossurvive !

Crossurvive !

Make me Strong!

Make me tough !

Up in the morning to the rising sun 

Gotto run all day till the running's done

We will strong !

We will Tough !

We believe 

CROSSUVIVE !

this is the running song for S.E.C 2011

hehez. we sang this when we run & soaking in the cold bath .

28/5

Today i woke up in 7.30 in the morning ..

to prepare to go for KL .

i packed my things 

and on9 .. 

and played maple

then .. after had my breakfast .. 

i apart to go to Butterworth's Jetty

met Henyi ( my cousin ) there

we waited for Adrian ( 振答教官 )

we then sit bus with the other 10 penang students .

1045 ~ 15XX ++ 

whole journey about 5 hours ++ 

pigu so pain ..

the whole journey i read novel + sleep for a few mins hahas.

d@m hungry ...

then when we reach KL .. 

we went to KFC for lunch at 4pm hahas

met a "dua Kang" de ppl ..

he tells a lot of things that r not logic

Henyi str8 beh shiok then perli him

i just listen and smile =]

i anti-KFC dy .. but not tekan diao ..

must eat or else no food >.<

then we sit van to go to hostel ..

we tot so shiok ..

mana tau that's for girl only =.=

boys have to sit van for 1 hour trip to go gombak .

the van ada problem =.=

keep sei fo
hahas..
we reached there about 7pm .. and we live in a house of malay .. that's blank and known as a hostel there.
1 person rm 18 ..
we waited for our luggage & dinner
then 9.30 pm .. we only have our dinner and bag with us .
hahas .. but they tried their best ...
the water there is sososo cold and refreshing ..
then me and henyi lie down and sleep..
but then ...
the 小孩子 make us laugh till ZZ　WTH
"lan XXXX 打结"
and a lot ..
but then afterwards we slept ..
i woke up at ard 3-4am the other day
then heard malay "singing"
then everyone scold
and then sleep again ~.~

29/5
7am .. henyi and i had a cold water bath ..
that's dam shiok ..
refreshing
the others str8 ask us ..
wont cold ?
hahas..
then had nasi lemak as our breakfast..
then we walked around the house..
around 10 am
we were gathered at our campsite ...
about 11am something ..
everyone from the other states arrived..
all of us total up are about 14x ++
we listened to ah kong ( the main instructor )
he talked about the camp rules & oso the instructors.
he is funny ..
afterwards we are to get into our groups ..
each group has a instructor to assist
Alex
Bonnie
Collin
Danielle
Earl
Fiona
Gaston
Hermine
Igor
Julia
Karl
Lisa
all these names are the name of typhoon.
i m in Gaston
while Henyi's in Fiona..
then i sit with all my members.
our leader = Yong Shen ( a scout from 循人中学)
A.Leader = mun Hooi ( from ipoh perak )
all of us are a bit shy to talk ..
no one willing to give ideas..
but then ....
when i give ideas. .. no 1 want to listen to me ..
at the last blame we no give ideas..
i beh shiok from that time.
the yells : my a.leader want that fast5 de song de lyrics
we all no ideas so all ok ..
but that one couldn't be shout ..
very difficult ..
then leader say nt good
then i ask him to use scout one ..
he chose
G A S T O N
gaston gaston yichiban
so short ?
i ask him to add a sentence or more ..
he say long doesn't mean good .
wtf 2nd time
i more beh shiok dy..
and at the same time ..
we were to draw flag ..
with only marker pen
i kept quiet ..
afterwards we have a game
破冰游戏
that's we say out our name and everyone play 绕口令
the first person have to say out his / her name and the followed one have to say that friend + himself one.
the 3rd means have to say 3 names
the first have to say all
hahas ..
then we cooked our lunch .
our leader is a scout .
he is good in this ..
i go to take all the ingredients
and we are given solid fuel
the branches are so wet..
quite hard..
but we managed to light a fire .
we cooked our lunch ..
i wanted to help ..
but no one give me to help..
then i just kacau aside ..
then i lompat feiji
go to henyi's group to help
Fiona ..
the fire just lighted up but weak..
i go kacau kacau then finally ok dy =]
they r late...
lunch with the rice not well cooked ..
and some vege .. hahas
my group is fine
have cabbage + canned red beans + rice
afterwards we set up our tent
each group has 2 ..
but our site has been used by others to cook their lunch so we set it up aside..
we were to make a table with the branches or material we get in the jungle ..
tat's an easy case if there's enuf materials.
our leader just asked us to seek for branches..
our a.leader cut a tree OMG．．
i str8 suansiao all those who chopped the trees..
dont hurt my loved one pls ~
when i backed to leader there ..
he was ald tie-ing
square lashing ..
everyone knows...
then fine...
i go to Fiona again ~.~
the instructor seeing me
he says i so good -.-
but i helped henyi..
just in about 5 mins we settle a table ~.~
though not nice
but at least helped them.
i would like to do things instead of shaking my legs waiting to eat .
but no one let me to ..
so i lompat feiji lor .
then we climbed the hill..
using rope =] ..
JM ( 1 of my teammate ) asked me to help ..
i waited her and helped her
after then we have our dinner ..
self-cooked oso ..
again i lompat fei kei ..
aiyaya ..
after that is the seminar session
Ah kong teaches in front ..
i enjoyed listening to his story..
i learnt a lot ..
then we have night game
黑暗摸索
not searching for things ..
is really touching / holding the rope tied by them and explore the jungle in the dark
JM asked me to wait her too ..
and i couldn't see who's in frnt of me ..
when we came out frm the dark .. we reached our campsite..
-.- ... quite nice ..
then we sleep ..
i planned to sleep outside and the others followed
zhi kang .. ( ipoh perak ）
oso sleep there ..
JM lied beside him with her sleeping bag..
she complains inside tent is too hot ..
hahas ..
then when the others back ..
we were gathered
then we go to sleep
henyi and i sleep outside..
then ard 2am ..
we kena halau ..
not outside
but inside
into the tent ...
hahas ..
the instructor dam cares about us ..
he dont want us to injured or sick..
i sleep in F group's tent ...
my group's tent not enuf space
as each of them occupy a lot of space ..

30/5
after at F's tent , they have to wake up at ard 4am to security
then i solo the whole tent xD.
but then after awhile ..
the xiao hai zi come back and sleep lols !
then all of them come back ..
hahas all lazy to security
later on ... it's morning 545 ~
everyone is woke up by the siren = =
then all gathered and go to the sungai =]
some donwan to go just tell them that they are sick
then boys have to take off their shirts
everyone soaked in the water ..
omg .. that water is as cold as ice ..
just my toes touched the water ... my body ald shaking le hahas
tat is to train our ketahanan and kecekalan..
we nid to focus .. if we anyhow think then we will be more cold..
tat's real
i like this activity the most ..
soaking inside the cold water..
singing while menggetar .. hahas..
after that we went up..
and we exercise ..
warm up activities + run..
running song sang just the whole journey we go back to our campsite
then we cook our breakfast ..
we have bread with kaya as breakfast .. almost every team oso like this =]
bcuz that's the easiest ..
then , we had station games.
use chopstick pickup de beans ,
both of the people use any parts of body to bring a sponge.
rock paper scissors with newspaper fold for the lost one
memorize the things in a black plastic .
then is for the RACE .
all the groups G-L gathered .
then we race for the longest things ...
the winner can draw the face of the loser .
afterwards we had lunch .
we just have 30mins to cook =.= ..
biscuits finished .
then we get ready to climb the hill..
OMG our shoes all get wet =.=
very shiok larh ..
when we reached the top ,
we had flying fox and oso compass station..
we knew how to use compass and find out the bearing of a place
when we went back it's ad 7pm .
7.45 we have to go for campfire
we dont have time to prepare our dinner oso ..
just anyhow eat ..
then it's the campfire ...
each group performs ..
my group has to perform liang shan bo yu juliet.
hahas
we sang and some dances..
before my group performs , it's the Free dance
it's macarela ...
seldoms ppl dance ..
henyi and i brought all of the pupils to dance ..
even adrian oso donnoe XD
then it's my groups to perform ..
i sang as loud as i could ..
then we went back and see performance ..
so boringgggggggggggg...
the whole free dance oni macarela chicken dance and rojak songs ..
henyi and i wished to have saturday night T.T
but then ..
it ends ..
then we go for security ..
12-2
henyi ald sleep .
i dont have place to sleep T.T
my group still cooking xD . breakfast + supper .
dinner time some of the members didn't eat ..
bcuz they left without telling..
we finished then they back
they started to do their face..
the morning. .
we ate till full full,
after cold water bath. hehez
i love to soak in the cold wter..
this time i not like yeesterday dy ..
i relaxed ...
becuz it's the lsat time dy...
then we exercised ..
we packed our things and then we go for a seminar ..
it's from nan yang siang pao's director ..
he talks about his past ..
everyone sleeping -.-
i was still listening hehez.
then all the group leaders shared ...
we get our phoens and wallets back...
all busy smsing taking hp nums ..
then we have bihun as our dinner .
the jiao guan prepared for us ..
we then take the bus to go to terminal Putra.
all of us take our ways back..
penang = 12 ppls
we all take lrt then take bus back to penang ...
that bus driver damm bad attitudes ..
we bought mc'd to eat along the journey but stopped by him..
the whole journey we only rest for once..
i fall asleep at taiping bcuz there have traffic jams ..
my parents called me for so many times but i didnt pick up.
henyi back at juru there. somewhere ard auto city.
that time , a clhs ex TL want to go toilet ..
then the bus driver str8 drive off .
his friends tell him to stop but he refused.
wtf ?
then we reached jetty he left us far away from jetty and we had to walk =.=
i met my parents ..
then i ate on my car ..
damn miss my mum's cooking..
3days camp ...
i learnt alot of things ...
thanks a kong ..
and all the ppls ..
i learnt tht there's a lot different kind of humans ard the world ..
with each background doesn't same ..
and the attitudes aren't same ..
 my groups get the 1st price. ..
omg =.=
group that such sux won ?
mayb ..
my leader is just like one of my scout leader ... lack of leadership..
my a.leader is such degil ...
then in my group has 3 15 yrs old member..
me and 2 other. .
they r such patterns and childish ?
easily get angry ..

Change

Will be away for 4 days ...
it's time to relax n learn n change =]
i think that after i back i would really changed .
it's time for me to get close to my love one ...
the nature ...
^^
it's time to find out myself...

see ya ~ be prepared for new one of me

进步了。。。不再爆炸

今年。。。
又再遇到那种老师。。
我不想又在想小学六年级的事发生。。
好不容易地。。
我开始接受了老师们。。
不管他们好不好。。
但是。。
如今你却要来破坏掉这个规律。。
还好。。
练过功夫。。
我把这口气咽下了。。
不想闹。。
这跟我的原则有些不对称的地方。。
即使你是长辈。。
一旦你错了。。必须要不顾颜面地道歉。。
不要因为个人的因素。。
而把幼小一些的推向永远是错的那方。。
而且。。
你更本没有以身作则
而且不分是非黑白。。
我想说。。
你的忍耐是有限的。。
而我的忍耐随时可以变动。。
不管你是王或者卑。。
我也会站出来指正。。
或许这会是人家说的笨蛋·愚蠢。。
但是。。
不为五斗米折腰。。！

sensitive

Nowadays , i have became sensitive
towards attitudes and behavior
every1 around me might make me beh shiok with their attitudes & behavior
and so , this became my titles of public speaking .
i dont care the result , i just want to talk , talk out my thinking .

hot tempered nowadays

my sis went home last tuesday
and before that day
i was oways pekcek and hot tempered ..
reason
1.) the ah gua who is sitting beside me very noisy .
2.) my parents cant get wat i meant
3.) weather is hot

that ahgua = kaisen
He was a intelligent boy last time .
When he was F1 , he looks stim and funny with his 'hotdog' lips
at that time i just know his name and never talked with him before , just feel he's funny.
Every1 do think so.
F2 , he is same class with me . he is really funny and stim =.=
he was the class A.monitor OMG .. damn..
his homework seldom do , but at least got done .
in the class oso noisy noisy =.= talkative and oso jokes thrown out by him .
and i quarreled with him once for a idiot case if thought back .
that's just for a girl =.=
last time i argue with him.
hahas ...
F3 he sat beside me
omg =.= became more talkative
like hen's butt , never stop shaking
and oso keep sing .
i admit that his sound is really soft and suit for love songs .
but pls shutup when teachers are teaching
i everyday shoot him and he will just reply : " Sorry Lor ~ "
then until 1 day i feel that he's a bit abnormal
then the 2nd day he became sia0
then he told me his problems
he falls love on a girl in my class
since last year ..
and now he's facing problems
1 of our friends like the girls too
that's jingen - a charcoal boy of my class , darker than me , a good football player and oso a joker who never cares for his faces hahas .
then kaisen a bit dull . he dares not to tell jingen bcuz he dont want to quarrel .
but then he's dam suffering and keep asking me and be sia0 sia0
at the last , i persuaded him to have man's talk with jingen
and both of them have nothing happen just both cont to like the girl
the girl = Horlicks , a white pretty girl in my class .
then the following i lazy to care so much , that's non of my business =) .
but after few weeks , kaisen came and tell everythings to me .
and he became a lazy person , never do homework and oso like to challenge teacher .
he does not like teacher to scold nor says him yet , he was the one who made teacher focus so much on him , i am a little ashamed of my friend who was sitting beside me .
demerits , scold or anythings doesn't matter for him .
he thinks that the love is more worth.
he oways emo in class and my mood was effected by him.
pekcek sitting there
he was just acting patterns and lying himself .
that's puppy love .
i told him so but he refused .
he tot that he was so mighty to do so .
and soon everyone keep says him and ask him to become the kaisen b4
i don't know wat's horlicks decision .
i wanna ask but oso afraid to make the problems much tougher.
their problems is dam complicated and make me pekcek .
as i do not admit that their actions and decision is correct .
tat is not parallel with my theory and my thinking .

2.) my parents
they do not get wat i mean and i am lazy to describe too much to them and just pekcek and escape .
feel a little bit sorry to them as their son oways pekcek and nearly quarrel . that's why i rejeceted every invitation . i nid time to settle down my mind and change my attitudes to them . Sorry mum , dad , i nid some time... pls forgive me on everything that i have done .

3. ) weather hot
besides , my sis went back too. and she oways wanna use comp and she tot that i was pekcek-ing with herbecuz she used the comp the whole day and when i walked go keep act to stand up and wanna hand over . i dont like that . though i really dont like ppl to touch my pc too much as i have my privacy . but i lend her bcuz till now there isnt anythings important yet , just hope she wont see everythings and change my settings . then she keep ask me tot that i want she teach me maths. but i really couldn't get out so many time to ask . everyday back late in night . the weather is hot . at the bus stop i was nearly fainted there .
bus stop is one of the place where i can think my things ALONE .

Rest Rest Rest , relax mind and body , rest more . and soon will become better =) i think so ...

Pantai Keracut 1 日游

早上等大家都到齐了。。便搭bas到码头。。
然后坐ferry 过江。。
然后又坐bas去teluk bahang..
比预定的时间来得早很多。。
11 点出就到了。。
话不多说就开始了“探险之旅”。
一开始的路很平。。还以为很容易。。
还拍了很多照。。
过了五分钟。。
开始进入森林。。
从一开始便有点怕怕。。
但是结果走前面的我变成最后一位=.=||
没人要最后一位哈哈。。

一开始时因为没能适应。。
所以有些人很累。。
我前面那位差点害我和他一起迷路。。
还好没有。。
我一直在鼓励他。。
山路弯弯曲曲的。。
凹凸不平的。。
但是我们仍然踏着稳重的脚步。。。
但是也一直滑到。。我是最多次的那位～。～

一小时过了。。
越过了森林。。
看见一望无际的大海。。
大家都兴奋起来了。。
放下背包。。
有些直接去玩水。。
我和两位朋友在那里起火。。
结果起得蛮大的。。
在那里煮食物。。
虽然只有sardin两罐。。
完全没有工具。。

过后。。
大家往海走去。。
让海浪冲着赤裸裸的脚。。
爬过岩石。。在岩石上拍照等。。
过后。。
2位朋友跳下水了。。
玩啊玩。。
我不想下水。
因为妈妈不给。。而且我也没带多余的衣服。。
结果被他们恶作剧了。。
他们把我拉下水。。
整身湿了。。
我要爬起来但是他们又压着我。。
过后我上岸脱衣。。再跳进水。。
毕竟已经湿了。。
才发现自己电话在口袋里=。=
糟糕！

玩完了。。
又绕过森林回去了。。
虽然有船。。
过后我们去gurney pride 吃Mc'D + 杂食。
会的ferry 上遇到了一位四肢健全。。手上拿着蔡。。和一支香烟。。
向我们讨钱。。
我捐了一令吉。。
但是我劝其他人别捐。。
毕竟她是欺骗的。。
但是这么一样无视老人家也不对。。
所以还是捐了。。

一整天。。
玩得很累。。
也学到了很多东西。。

*言行举止要小心
*尊重他人
*孝顺父母
*听别人的劝告
*爱惜生命
*不可害怕

知之为知之；不知为不知；似知也。。亦非实。

认识我的人其数量非少。。

但是了解我的人。。又有多少？

有些人以为自己很了解我。。

但是那不是真实的我。。

有些时候的误会都是因为别人的不了解。。

因为不了解而私自做下的决定。。

都只是空虚地幻想。。

‎*AiZaiMaiKia !
*不敢向前迈出第一步就永远不能成功
*别因为“害怕”2个字而静着。
*该面对的总该面对 不该害怕。


这是真的。。
不管做什么事。。一旦不steady。。就太容易失败了。。
或者很容易失去方向。。
如果不敢迈出第一步。。那么问题从不能解决。。
不需要在乎它到底能不能完完全全解决一切。。
只需要努力。。
别因为这而影响自己。。
一旦问题出现除了面对和解决。。
难道要逃避吗？
又能逃到几时 ？


一时的情绪只会影响一切的判断。。
细心的思考很重要。。
以乐观的观点来看待一切会很美好。。
过于乐观就是天真。
人际关系很重要。。
别太过寸。。

不知不觉中对所有东西都产生了愧疚和歉意。。。
不知不觉中一切改变了。。
不知不觉中我失去了一切
不知不觉中我已生在一片漫然的世界。。


连续几天的失眠。。
每个寂静的夜晚里。。
浮现在我脑海中的。。
都是那些不堪回首的往事。。
都是那些我觉得有些内疚的。。
浮现在我脑海中都是黑暗的。。
零零散散的东西。。
都造成了我现在的困扰

原来。。
我一直付出的都是废的。。
把not active的拉上来。。
把他们没兴趣的弄到他们有兴趣。
把他们不会的教到会。。
结果他们就认为全是他们自己努力的。。
然后超越我是就这样来说我。。
以前我是很强。。
现在不再是了。。。
一开始。。。
跳舞。。
因为是传统舞蹈。。
没人要。。
我加入了。。大家也参加le
model making 一开始没人感兴趣。。
看我一直玩就开始玩
别说了。。
待会儿看见了又说我以为全部是我的功劳。。

失败了 | 绝望

人家说失败了就应该勇敢地爬起来。。
但是。。我觉得已经没有力气了。。
我做的。。原来都带来了反效果。。
原以为。。如果我这么做。。大家会有所改变。。54th 会再次旺盛。。
对不起ex & holiding post de . 我做错了。。

一开始我的那个acc是为了一个朋友做的
结果他不要。。
我就用它来表达我的不满。。
一开始是针对(o)
过后就到training camps
在那之间。。我把members & 朋友们的不满都post 了上去。。
一直希望他们能够看到并改进。。
结果反而他们变得有些不开心。。
一直想要找出这个人。。

更失败的事。。
对我自己form 3 的人。。
如果说是以我本身去劝说。。
还有我已经试过很多次。。
都没人要听。。
那么只有这么一个方法来让他们改变。。
结果咧。。
他们也是不爽。。
结果还开始内乱了。。

对不起。。所有都是我的过失我的错误。。
全部都是我造成的。。你们没错。。
我害了你们。。
我该死。。
我没那个资格来说你们。。
这也不该是我应该做的。。
我只是个以前的The Best Member
这些应该让上面的来做。。
我只是个只会说不会做的人。。
我是个废人。。

把那些都当做耳边风吧。。
你们才是最强的。。
加油！

Love ? no...

看见身边的朋友们。。
一直都交有男女朋友。。
我也想要找个能和我沟通。。能了解我的人
分享每天的大小事物。。
不管什么都粘在一起。。
能够聊天。。不管身边的人什么眼光。。
但是。。
看见朋友们分分合合 。。
合合分分。。
我也曾经经历过。。。
知道甜中必带有苦。。。
我想。。
我不应该这么快找个陪伴我的那个人吧。。
现在只应该慢慢来。。
交多些朋友。。

失败过 | 伤心过 | 难过过 |

失败过除了爬起来还有什么方法吗？
难道说一次小小的失败就要放弃将来？
将来还有无数次的失败。。如果因为一次的失败就接受不了
那么干脆死死去或者躲在家吧。

伤心了。。
除了想办法让自己开心还有别的方法吗？
难道要一直让自己伤心。。
让自己活在每天只有哭泣声和泪水的生活？

难过了。。
除了握紧拳头挨过去还有什么可以做？
难道要当场自杀？
了结自己的生命？

人生中难免有起起落落。。
该面对的总该面对。。
逃避只是暂时性的。。
逃的过一次。。
不代表逃的过第二次；

21st annual training camp 2010

This year .. the way to run the camp is not same as the past .
but the attitudes of oc .. made me dont feel to go to the camp.
1st 出尔反尔
2nd tidak bertanggungjawab
3rd 蛮不讲理
4th anythings wrong oso blame members didnt tink own mistakes
5th make members dulan

1st me at first still got a little heart to do the competitions .
but 1 weeks later i lost my confidence and my feeling .
i feel lamnua and lazy to fight for it .
bcuz committee attitudes are quite bad .

and me keep quarrel with them =.=
especially GG de ..
aiks ... then quarrel till their form 4 there ...
mouth too gatal ?=.=

i dont think taht i will get any of the prizes .. but luckily i took the best patrol and the best backwoods
the best patrol i dont know whats that .. but it isn't overall =.=
should be the golds...
the best backwoods made me shocked as almost my things all didnt cooked well .

i quite hate GGs ...
form 2 still friendly
form 3 still ok just 1 / 2 of them bad ..
form 4 ... starting good .. now o0o ! 　

Sibeh dulan today

today , morning .. still quite ok ...
afternoon start ... walao eh...
1st draw flag ... my weakness ..cant say much jz call others colour and i plan
then semua anyhow lai =.=
the flag white de background kena all different colour droplets ..
afterwards ...
is yong karen mai kacau my ps ..
2 alphabets my ps str8 dulan zzz ..
then i ask her suggestion and idea .. she sibeh hot =.=
suak loh
semua like this no nid do le ..
so i left my flag there .
afterwards ... we all keep kapsiao and soon she turns ok again =.= sot sot de .
aiks .. hope no next time .. as i dont want ppl around me kepe like ths .. i nid ppl who is calm and eq high to assist me .
night ...
FB　there ... my frn .. aiks .. ask me logo whether put good aand bad ... are'nt is idea i told him -.- ? of course i will use .. mana noe he oso use .. say what his is more good than bad ..
mcb i str8 pissed .. copy say copy la stil lsay i copy u ?
semua orang oso think like this la ?
wtf ? i tell u de ideas u all use i ask u u got giv ? fking hell .
i post comment go see then say want use ? o0o la ..
fking pissed.
i should calm ... there is lots of things waiting me .. shouldn't bcuz of this and break my future
calm calm calm .. face that challenges and gain experience ..

Yo ~ finally have the feeling to write my blog

Yeah It's finally year-end holiday which everyone waited for so so so long ..
This holiday ..
i will finished it by improving myself & training camp
last year i was jz a member ...
this year i am a PL .
i have to lead all my members to fight for tc ..
i ... feel lazy to lead during the beginning .. cuz i was tired ..
and so .. i feel myself useless as a leader .. i didnt do things well ..
soon ,
i am much interested to lead them ^^ .
juz peace and face everything ..
hahahs ..
try ur best ..
train everything that u weak at ...
i , myself ... are very bad at drawing and art work ..
during the preparation .. i had tried to draw ...
though i never draw things well ..
but this time it really improved ..
it's much clearer and nicer ..
besides , i had oso been drawing on a flag instead of a paper ...
draw on the flag is much enjoyable ...
i have the power and confident to draw next time =)
furthermore .. my communicate is really sucks ...
what thing that i told my members and ps they sensed nothing =.=
have to practise this more ..
communication have much improved because i wont feel shy to talk to girls hahas
becuz we have to cooperate with girl members ...
keep on improving yr own .. practise more ^^
gambateh .. for improving and training yrself . u have to train ur mental and physical too..
God had arranged this opportunity for u to bring urself better .
Cheers and face it with interest ..
overtake the challenge ^^

Long long time never blogging huh =.=

aiya ... too busy ma + i dont have my pc last time ..
old one spoilt dy....
from now onwards maybe i will post something bah...

i have decided

Decided which i want to choose .
i have left her out of my heart .
and begins my own new life .
without her to bother me .
no one to disturb my thinkings .
no one gonna to disturb my plannings .
from now onwards i will be fight for the best of myself
keep on improving .
Besides , i think i have a new fancies hah.
Thats u ^^

Chiong ARH !!

From now onwards .. i have my own new plans . i will pia & chiong ~ no1 gonna stop me =)
~fight for it ~

Good Right C

why r u all so like to paksa ppl ? amount more than started to bully ? who r u all ? tot urself so pro ?
then paksa me to help u all ? w the ? oways noe how to cry and quarrel .. noe how to manage ur own ?
Aiks..

To u , my good frn & my classmate

hm.. seems quite well this week as u were oways laugh .
and so ... i think u r fine .
hope that u are oways like this . dont hate me =)
just be a good friend ^^

To you my friend

对不起。。我不再是那个笨蛋了。。
我开始学会放下。。
谢谢“0” 。
今年的6月。。
我开始有了些年头。。她。。
开始想要放弃。。
1年了。。或许日子久了。。累了
每次面对你。。
不是你shoot
就是无视我的存在。。
想和你以朋友关系聊天。。
也不能。。
以朋友关系来出去也不能。
每次就无端端地。。
在不知情里。。
懊恼。。
不知道什么是让你如此的不爽我。。

现在。。
决定抛下重负。。
从新找回我的自由。。我的自尊。。
不想因为你。。
我的一切都被埋没。。

虽然说是放下了。。
但是你可不可以把我视为朋友?
我一直想这么样。。
但是。。难道你要这样无理取闹。。
在我不知情的情况下。。
一直不理睬我？
把我视为什么？
朋友也不是。。
希望你能当面说出原因。。
在一个人不知情的情况下可以说是没罪的。。
我也不知道哪里得罪了你。。
告诉我吧朋友。

我并不埋怨你。。
因为你曾经是我喜欢的人。。
现在你也是我的朋友。。
我不会埋怨你。。
希望将来也会是朋友。。